Fried crap on a stick

Okay, so yesterday I wrote about the fair and all my wonderful experiences there, but there was one other thing that I would like to add about the fair that I forgot to mention...what the heck is up with all the fried random things at the fair these days? I mean corn dogs I understand...cheese on a stick, most definately. Its awesome. But fried oreos??? Fried snickers? Fried Milky ways?? Fried twix??? I am sorry, but what tha??

Sounds like a bunch of stoned college kids sitting around munching down on a Snickers bar after toking a fat one...(cause you know, Snickers really satisfies) and saying "Dude, I bet if we fried this candy bar, it would be narley." I mean really. I bet that is what happened. For sure. Now I am curious.

And another thing, what tha heck is up with food on a stick now?? I mean we passed by one booth that had chicken on a stick, pork chops on a stick, steak on a stick....come on. I dont think that I need to put a wooden trowel in my food to make it taste good. What ever happened to forks and knives? I guess that at the Fair they do it for convenience, but who the hell goes to the fair to eat steak or pork chops anyhow?? Geez. You go to the fair to eat greasy fried stuff, like snickers and milky ways. Everyone know that.

And one more thing, I went to see the palm reader cause that was something that I had always wanted to do. When I walked in and asked her how much she said "$10." looks like being psychic and all she could have known that I wasnt ganna pay $10 for her to hold my hand, but I would have paid $5. You know, just cause I am curious and all. But looks like she could have forseen that. Cause lets face it, $5 is better than $0. Dang gypsies.

Sometimes the Fair just aint Fair...

Okay, so I took the munchkins to the fair yesterday, which seemed like a pretty dang good idea at the time if you ask me. I went and broke the kids outta school around noon, and let me tell you, that was a headache! Anyhow, once I got that all done (and they are in different buildings this year, mind you) we got back in the car and Rody the Righteous immediately began asking questions. It went a lil something like this...

Rody:"Do I have a dentist appt.?"
Me:"no."
Rody: "Do I have a doctor appt.?"
Me"No."
Rody:"Do you have a dentist appt.?"
Me:"no."
Rody:"Do YOU have a Doctor appt.?" - the look of fear beginning to increase in his face, the
level of fright increasing in his voice....
Me:"No."
Rody:"Did somebody die????"
Me:"Somewhere I am sure that they did, but to my knowledge, no one that we know.
I thought we would go to the fair.
Rody:"So, we are playing hookie?"
Me:"Sorta."
Rody"Did you tell the teacher we were going to the fair?"
Me:"No."
Rody:"Did you tell the teacher I had a doctor appointment?"
Me:"Not exactly. I just said you had an appt. thats all."
Rody:"So basically, you lied."
Me:"You want to do the right thing and stay at school then you go ahead!!!!! but you are ganna miss the fair, and its ganna be alot of fun!!! Its your choice! and by the way, people do it all the time, so its up to you!!!"

** gasp, outta breath.**

conversation over. Geez, what is wrong with my kids that being busted out of school makes them sweat breaking the rules. What prudes!

We made it into the fair grounds and immediately I had to stop and buy a round of Lemonade, because it was hot as hell out at the fair. And cause lemonade always tastes so much better at the fair. Maybe thats why it cost $4.00 an ounce, cause it is so good. Anyhow, after we all had a lemonade, we went to the midway and gave the lady locked in the plastic smoking box like a zillion dollars, so that the kids could ride two or three rides. Carnies don't play. Just so you know. And, carnies smoke. All of them. Alot. Just so you know. Another thing, some of them scare me just a lil.
We trudged down the midway, with all the carnies smelling fresh meat as we walked by. I looked ahead and ignored them, but then I realized I was alone. Oh no! the kids! They had the kids! Once I rescued the kids, I had to explain to them NEVER, under any circumstances make eye contact with the Carnies. EVER. Stetson said that the one Carney, the one with the most teeth told him he could win a PS3. I told Stetson he was a liar, and probably wanted to hack him up into lil pieces. Point proven.

Anyhow, once we made a round thru the midway without spending a single ticket, we went and strolled thru all the exhibit barns, cause that is what you do when you get old. And we bought a few things and wanted to buy a few things, but they wanted an arm and a leg for them. Those price gougers should talk to the carnies, I bet they have lots of arm and leg parts in their trailers. Just saying.

Anyhow, then it was time to get down to some serious business. I needed a cheese on a stick, and I needed it STAT, cause I was becoming kinda cranky, and cheese on a stick is truly a cure all. Except if you have a tummy ache, then prolly it is not a good idea. Anyhow, I dropped another quick $10 for my coveted cheese on a stick. Yumm. It was delicious. I really wanted another, but a lady mus'nt look like a pig. Besides, oral surgery scars didnt enjoy cheese on a stick as much as i did. Fair fun haters, those scars.

Next, I went and let the boys waste all their tickets on the midway. They thought it was fun. I thought it was hot. And not so much fun, but thats just the sacrifice we parents make for our kids. *grumble*

Then, I surprised the boys with a great thing...I bought us all tickets to the freak show...you know, the one that has the headless lady and the four eyed baby!! It was a great surprise!! And, not to be fooled...there actually was a real two headed cow in there. I saw it. And it was real.. and it almost made me get rid of my cheese on a stick. It wasnt a full size head, but a small nub on the side that actually had a mouth and everything. No eyes. Just nose and mouth. And thats all I can say about it, cause I am queesy just remembering. *shudder**

Then we went and watched the bear show. I think I liked it more than those kids. They were so cute! And the boys wanted one, and I told them no. Then they said "why not? you get everything you want!!" and i told them "we have a cat. make it walk on two legs in a circle on a ball and we will get a bear." they said no more.

After that, we went to see the BMX stunt riders, which the boys thought was awesome. I thought it was pretty cool too, you know, for a couple of bicycling has-beens. Anyhow, the boys were totally amazed, so I bought them a shirt each to get autographed. Sucker. I think it made the has-been's day more than the boys, cause here were two kids that thought they were stars. So they eagerly signed them. And Rody was so excited, he had to carry it for the rest of the night.

After that, we decided to have dinner at the fair. Cause it was getting on about 6:00, and thats what country people do, is eat at the fair. So we settled on frito pies. Cause that is what everyone agreed on. And let me tell you, talking about the two headed you-know-what earlier made me still taste that frito pie. And not in a good way.

Anyhow, we ate our frito pie, and then went to watch the pig show. I dont know which I liked better, the pig show or the bear show, cause both were pretty amazing. But, one thing, the boys didnt say they wanted a pig, so I guess they liked the bear show better.

From there we went to the Republican booth, where I gave this lady $20 and she gave us some yard signs, and car stickers, oh! and peanuts. But no free t-shirts. Cause "free" t-shirts at the Republican booth cost $20 more.

Then it was time to go. We had to leave the fair. Mainly cause we had seen everything and it was also a school night. But also because my frito pie and my cheese on a stick were not playing nice with each other. My tummy had had enough of the fair, and it was letting me know. So we left. And dang that ungrateful tummy, it complained all night long.

There's a stranger in my house...

Okay, so first and formost I have to thank Ms. Savannah for my absolutely and utterly cool layout. You rock my socks! And, in tribute to her, I am writting in black...cause she said that my page had so much pink on it, I would be begging to write in another color. Well, let me just say Ms. Savannah, there is no such thing as too much pink. ever. Just so you know. But, this once I will use black, just for you, since you are cooler than Brad Pitt ice skating naked. Just saying...



Anyhow, i must tell you guys what happened to me the other morning. i woke up, got the boys up to get ready for school, and after having next to no sleep and being totally foul in mood, I decided to drag back to bed for a few mins while they readied for school. I had just gotten back into bed, all situated style, nice and warm..in the pre-doze state of zoning out, and Stetson (my oldest) comes running into the room screaming and hollering at me..."MOM!! there is blood all over the bathroom! Its everywhere....and there is a footprint! Its horrible!" all frantic style. Now, let me assure you that your children do not run into the room screaming such absurdities without grabbing your attention. After I jumped out of bed, tripped over the heels that I was ganna pick up earlier (for the simple fact that I could forsee such an accident), cussed myself for not picking up the culprit heels, ran into the couch and then stepped on a METAL airplane (sharp lil sucker), made a mental note to self to yell at Rody later about not picking up his crap, and then regained my balance, I finally entered the bathroom. Now you can imagine what had run thru my mind...Someone broke into our house, cut himself on the broken window pane they were entering and then bled in the tub, which led me to the assumption that somewhere (possibly in the bathroom) I was ganna find a half-dead bleeding profusely intruder, and then what?? Then scenario #2 played out in my mind...he would beg for my forgivness and emergency assistance, at which point i would beat the crap out of him while he was down and make myself feel tough...but it was happening so fast I just really couldnt imagine what the cause for all the gore was. Well, I rounded the corner to the bathroom, and yes, there was indeed blood. A good size amount, but it was not anything that would make Dracula take note...it was just a fair size amount of blood. Defiantely not the exorburant amount I had imagined, and suprisingly enough, I was slightly disappointed! I had already pictured my lovely lil melon having a front page spot on the infamous Lamb Co. Leader news...I could see it already "Muscular Mortician saves family from sure death by defending her home from armed intruder". But, now those dreams were gone. *Sigh*

You see, the blood had apparently come from my cat. Yes, thats right, the pussy had bled in the tub.



There were footprints alright, just as Stetson had said, but they were of the feline variety. Not human. Not even close. Dutchess, my cat (quite a catchy name huh? Fits, considering her owner IS a princess) anyhow, Ms. Dutchess was forced to have her claws removed last week due to the fact that I am convinced she is the antiChrist, and was in fear of my eyes being sliced out in the middle of the night sometime when she decided she wanted to "play". So I had them removed. *Gasp* Yes, I know, you may think its crue and unusual. Well, to you I say "It wasnt your eyes". Anyhow, so the Mystery of The Bloody Bathtub was solved, and I didnt even have to phone Nancy Drew. I am so independent sometimes, I suprise myself!

Oral Surgery revisited

Okay, so most of you (the three readers that I have) are not aware of the fact that one week and one day ago, I had oral surgery. That, in case you were wondering, is otherwise known as 192 hours. Or, better yet, 11,520 mins., or you could even say 691,200 seconds full of absolute pain in my life! I mean, it HURT!! Now, I knew that it would not be an easy process, but I had NO idea it would be a near death experience. They did not tell me that. They just told me that it was, and I quote "a simple dental procedure that could lead to mild discomfort for a few days". They are liars. It was not simple, at least not on my end, and it damn sure was not mild discomfort, and obviously (see above) it has not been just a few days! It has been 691,200 seconds and counting for God's sake! haha!
I guess I should explain what I had done. It was called a Gingival Fiberotomy which is dental terms for "hurts like hell". Anyhow, basically the gist of it is that they go in and numb your mouth up by shooting numbing stuff weak enough not to even affect a fly into your gums, and also straight up into the roof of your mouth. Yeah, I know. Then they want to ask me if I am okay...no. I am not. But, with two sets of hands, a sucky thingy, and one very large drippy needle in my mouth, I just look the dentist in the eye and say "uh-huh." I just wonder if they ask that just because they know you cant actually talk anyhow, and you dang sure cant cuss them like you want to...i think they do it just for their own personal joy. Just a theory. Anyhow, once she got all the shots in she IMMEDIATELY began peeling the gum back and cutting these fibers around my teeth. These fibers act like rubber bands, but not just your average everyday rubber band..they are smart, and they have memory. Yeah, i know. weird, but its true. So, if you have bad teeth, like I did, and have braces to correct them then sometimes these little prodigy rubber bands remember where they use to be, and start pulling the tooth back to that spot, without even asking permission. They are little rebels too I guess. Anyhow, after that happened to me and I had braces put back on AGAIN to fix the problem, and then had them off again, it started to move AGAIN. So they told me this was the last resort, and it was nothing, really. WRONG. It was something alright! haha
She explained to me that these genius fibers are small, tiny tiny things that she would sever, and then they couldn't pull the tooth back. Kinda like instant Alzheimer's for the little buggers I guess. Anyhow, the small tiny tiny fibers that she described to me felt more like 2 inch copper wire being cut under my teeth, it was like a big SNIP...and then another, then another. Sometimes I guess they didnt want to let go, cause she would have to work it..kinda like cutting a stick with a pair of preschool dull scissors. It can be done, it just takes awhile...you get my drift? Anyhow, finally after about thirty mins., it was all over and done with, thank God. Then they were like, okay, all done. Just wear your invisalign and keep it in 24 hrs a day for 6 weeks. Oh, and here are a couple of Tylenol to help with the pain. Thats it? Tylenol?? The disappointment hit me like a kid on Halloween getting apples...I wanted something better! Show me the good stuff dang it! Anyhow, that was it. Then I was up and out, and the next person was brought into slaughter.. just like that. And here we are, 8 days later, still on a ice cream diet with the occasional splurge of Applesauce. Yum. I know, you are jealous. I never thought that I could despise ice cream so much, but frankly, I am tired of it.

Electrifying Electric Company Banquet

Oh grumble. What to rant on about today...let me see. First of all, I am highly aggravated because there are only a few (and by a few, I mean four) shades of pink in which to choose from in font colors, and technically there are only two, maybe just one actually that you can use and people can still read the text. So, naturally, I am piss off! How can they call that equal opportunity when they have blatantly given more attention to many more undeserving colors? So I used red, cause in the grand scheme of things, red is an offspring of pink. Some might argue it the other way, but I think that Pink came first, kinda like the chicken then the egg, cause lets face it, chickens are better than eggs. Nuff said.
Anyhow, had a rather boring and utterly uneventful night last night. Actually, I had a date. Not to excite anyone, cause it was with my two sons and my mother...but hey, its the closest thing that I have had in awhile...a LONG while. We went to the free buffet dinner at the REA meeting...cause what could be better than a date with your family than a free meal of all the fried food you can eat? Don't get me wrong, it looked wonderful, and I was starving since I haven't been able to eat "real food" since my oral surgery last Wednesday. So I loaded my plate up. I was determined to fill my tummy up on some yard bird that had been thrown into the vat of healthy veg oil and some overcooked cheese rolls. Yum. However, I was highly disappointed when I sat down because even though I was ready to eat again, my mouth was not. Stubborn thing that mouth. I tried to eat anyway, but in the end, the mouth won, and I sat there, still starving. I think the people outside could hear my tummy rumbling even over the loud roar of random conversation that filled the ag center. Lets face it, I WAS HUNGRY! and I was piss off that I couldnt eat even the bad grease soaked food that lay in front of me. To make matters worse, I still and to sit and suffer thru the THREE, yes I said THREE hour long meeting that could bore a bear to sleep...even a big, piss off bear! It was horrible. And between the boring speaker, the unleashed kids running around, the hum of many various conversations still going on despite the fact the meeting started, I was fit to be tied. As if that was not bad enough, the electric company hired some people to come and do balloon animal thingees for the kiddos, which was a big hit, but the dang guy parked his little balloon cart right behind me...and every time he exhaled too hard and popped one of those suckers it about sent me thru the roof...and made me wonder yet again what the hell I was doing there! haha Anyhow, I lived thru it (barely), got to see some good people ( just a few) and had fiver glasses of some okay sweet tea (it was too strong). Good thing is, it is over, I made my appearance, and have a WHOLE year to prepare for the next one! haha

Intro

Okay, so I started a blog. I guess cause I really figured the other three hundred and ninety two million things that I have to do everyday left me still too much free time. Besides, I thought it might be a good way for me, lil miss reserved *tehee*, to learn to express myself freely. Besides, I guess it is just as well to be wasting my precious, valuable time doing this as something else. Right? Thats what I thought. So, anyhow, this is my new hobby. I dont expect to win the hearts of various Americans that I have never nor will never meet, as a matter of fact, my blog is private and limited to a select few fabulous people who are granted the privlege of reading it by ME, the all knowing!

Basically, what that means is if you are reading this then you should consider yourself damn lucky (or a damn fool for wasting all your time reading all my nonsense garbage! hah) but, I shall let you decide that all for yourself. Besides, Amanda has a blog, and it was so damn cute I had to have one of my own. Yes, thats right, I was jealous. There, I said it. Now, we must not have to dwell on it, should we? Anyhow, enough for now. I have work that is calling my name. I have tried to ignore it to no avail. Until next time then....