Dog eat Dog

First off, might I say that I havent blogged in months. MONTHS I tell you, and yet I come back and there are still no impressive colors of pink to choose from to type in. Geez BlogSpot. Get with the times already. Anyhows.....

So, where to start. Lets see, uhm, Peanut and I sorta kinda not really had our first difference in opinion today. You see, he has decided HE is getting a dog. Or a puppy I guess, which will in due time grow into a dog, (but steals your heart in a much more profound way). But is getting one none the less. Great. Cause I need something else to love. Anyhow.....He assigns me (YES ME) the job privilege of naming the newest addition of the family. (I'm not boasting I swear - I just appear that way cause when I smile I have really BIG BIG teeth)

So I think, I have to really do this up right. Cause we all know names are stuck with you forever. Unless you are like Prince and rich and popular(once upon a time) and famous (again, has been) and can change your name to another name or in this instance say to just a symbol. Who does that by the way? I mean, really?? A symbol? Dumb. But whatev. His world not mine.I personally like the name Prince. cause its like Princess...which is WAY COOL of a name. Maybe he should have changed it to Princess. Fitting, i know. *Uh Hum* Back to the subject....

Where was I? Oh yes, names. I feel as though I have to do this job upright. Cause its important. So, I get my wheels to turning...and start to come up with some really great names. Problem A. they were for BOY dogs. Problem B. Peanut wont accept a name unless it is ONE syllable. Excuse me?

He was serious. Im like whatev. Cause one syllable names are EFFIN' RIDICULOUS not cool. And all the good names I have came up with are NOT one syllable. UGH! So now what??? Cause I really wanted to name her Tiara (obvious reasons), Gabriella (we could call her Gabby? No! not one syllable.), or my personal fave, Panache`, but I never even suggested that, cause hello! that would be a big NEGATIVE, and after the last conversation we had about dog names, I couldn't bear more rejection. Conversation went something like this:

PEANUT: So, Dale's dog is ready to Domino, and I'm on the list to get one of her pups
(and FYI in redneck cowboy world, Domino means preggers., just so you know.)

ME: Oh yeah??? hmmmm

PEANUT: I told you that, remember, Dale and I were talking about it the other day.

ME: Yes, but I thought you were kidding

PEANUT: (staring at me like I'm an idiot) No.

ME: Okay. (staring out the window like an idiot)

PEANUT: But, Ill let you name it.

ME: (perking up, obviously excited about my new responsibility) REALLY????

PEANUT: yup.

ME: Wooo-hooo! (running names thru my head instantly)
But it cant be a name you have used before, so if I say one you've had, its a no.

PEANUT: Agreed.

ME: hmmmm.....how about Cheyenne?

PEANUT: (very matter of fact) No. has to be one syllable.

ME: Excuse me?? (this is the term I use for WTF.)

PEANUT: yes. has to be one syllable.

ME: Uh huh. (instantly disappointed in this stupid job - who names something one syllable names??? words like Bud, Spot, and Blue start going thru my head. Uhm, no. Im not having a dog named Blue.) Thats a dumb rule. Why?

PEANUT: Cause when I go to training it, they listen better and its easier with a one syllable name.

ME: (not convinced) yeah...okay. So this is why you named your child a THREE syllable name?? Makes sense.

PEANUT: Yeah, but I dont CALL her that.

ME: (thinking: defeats the purpose of a name I think, but who asked me) uh huh. (looking out window, aggravated)

PEANUT: I call her Bug. Its one syllable.

ME: (thinking: you dont call her that when you are trying to "train" her or discipline her. You use her real name. The really long one that you legally named her.) saying: Uh huh.

PEANUT: Well, you have some time to think about it.

ME: Ill have to see her first, to know what suits it best. (since I have sooooooOOOO many great one syllable choices.) *sigh*

So, you see, its been a BIG search to find a great name, thats not too long, and still punchy. And hes getting a girl dog. (cause that all i needed, was to have to fight ANOTHER woman for his attention and love) anyhow, besides, I had great BOY dog names picked out. Even one syllable ones, Like Gus. ;)

But, after some careful thought, I had it. Emma. and I tell him. and he says

"I like it. I can call her Em."

*sigh*

To be, or not to be 31....

Well well well. Here it is, three days into November. Can you believe it? I know, I know. time goes by SOOOOOOO fast. And before you know it, my birthday will be here. Then, its downhill from there....then there is Thanksgiving, and Pearl Harbor Day...then its rolling faster on into Christmas Season, and of course, New Years Eve. Oh, and who could forget National Ding-a-ling day. And no smarty pants, that is not the official name for the day that I was born. Cause for those of you ding-a-lings that dont know, your day is December 12th. But, who could expect you to know that? you are mentally impared after all.

Anyhow, my birthday is approaching faster than expected. And I am not so sure that I am ready. So, I am thinking of re-scheduling. What's that you say? That I can't do that? The hell I cant. Obviously, you have not read the book of me. And number one rule in the book of me states (and I quote):

1. What I say goes. Period.

So see, if I decide to reschedule being 31 until like next year, then I fully have the ability to do so. Ha. And, don't put it past me. See, a year younger and no botox needed. Wow. i am so clever.

But, dont think for a min that just cause my birthday has been re-scheduled, if I decide to do so, that you dont have to get gifts. Cause you do. Obviously. Cause lets face it, being 31 is hard enough, and how am I supposed to be expected to face it without gifts??? Duh. Ain't happening.

Ain't happening!!!!

well, gatta run. I have much to do. Birthday decisions are big deals...especially when I am talking of rescheduling one.

Childlike Cravings

Okay, so crimp my hair

and douse me in electric youth,

but I have totally resorted to being a twelve year old. I have a new desire..and its name is Nintendo DS. And because the Nintendo DS is so totally gnarly, it has moved its way right to the top of my I want it Now list. Surprisingly, I don't want it in pink either. I want it in Blue. SIKE!!! Of course I want it in pink...cause we all know blue sucks.

Anyhow, I started scoping the DS out for possible Christmas gifts for the kiddos. And that's when I decided that these lil things are way cool. And because somedays at work I am so bored I could gag me with a spoon. So, I need a pastime for work. Cause clearly if I am not busy doing something, then I need to be cleaning. And cleaning sucks.

So, I went to Sam's club this weekend, and I was over looking at the DS's and saw that they had a game called Harvest Moon. Its like where you are a totally cool farmer and get to have John Deere tractors and all, and I want it. Plus, there is also a game of Deal or No Deal, and duh. Of course I want that one too! And they have cool games where you can pretend to have another profession, like wedding designer, and pop star, even a teacher...which of course I want cause I feel like a failure since I never followed thru on my teaching degree.

Oooh! And there is Price is Right....love it....and Petz Bunnies....too cute. Anyhow, I guess what I am admitting too here is that I am totally a crazy 30(not YET 31) year old gal who refuses to grow up. But so be it. At least I will have something to do when work is dead. Or undead I guess I should say. Besides, it wouldn't exactly be wasted time because if this whole mortician thing don't pan out, think of all the training Ill have being a great teacher, or even a rock star! So see! Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get back to my Webkinz...cause at two they are having a free spin on the wheel of wonder. See ya, wouldn't want to be ya....

Grumbles

A reminder to you people ~my real friends~ that i am having a birthday soon. And by soon, I mean in 16 days til it happens. So gear up and get ready. And I expect presents damn you. Cause I need something to have to look forward to about being 31, and presents I think might help ease the pain.

Well, lets see. I really have nothing in particular that is of importance to disclose to you today, so I guess I will just have to ramble off some random gripes that I have that I think are totally note worthy. Obviously. Cause lets face it, everything that I say is not worthy. Dont hate, appreciate.

First of all, Biggest Loser. WTF?? I mean, I love love love the movie, cause it makes me feel good about myself. I mean, what else could have such a profound effect on me? It gives me the approval that I need when I am laying in bed on a Tuesday night scarfing down all the ice cream and snickers bars that i can get my hands on, cause since i dont weigh 300 lbs (yet) then its okay to have just one more bowl. right?? And cause I really like seeing people loose all that weight. It almost inspires me to work out myself. Almost.
BUT...then there is the issue of the wretched Bitch Vickie...you know Brady's wife. Gosh. Cant stand her. She is such a whiny self centered crab cake. And she makes me wish with every piece of my being that she never ever looses a pound. And that makes me feel kinda icky to feel that way about somebody. So I think she needs to be voted off the fat camp island. Cause Clearly the last thing I want when I am laying in bed eating my weight in junk food is to have some crazy bitchola wife making me feel worse about myself. So here is the bottom line Vickie...I am done with you and your sleezy (but handsome) hubby Brady. Cause you guys are like snakes. Sleezy. And next time your team has a challenge to do try to be a team player and get off your big complaining ass and take one for your team! *Grumble*

And then there is the issue of Law and Order SVU...like the show. Sorta. But I am wondering when Elliott and Oliva (Mariska Hargitay) ganna hook it up? I mean enough of the sexual tension already. Seriously, they make a great team...good friends and good partners. So get down and get dirty and get on with it. Geez.

And then there is the fact of the mascara. Well, even though i dont look like Cecila Jones per say, I can still do my own "Does it Work" experiments. So, I was watching TV the other day and saw an add for some new Loreal Double Xtend Beauty Tubes Mascara, and I wondered (possibly outloud) "Wonder if that works?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSoVJDl-dIc
So, while out our weekly trip to wal-mart, I purchased some of the coveted $9.00 mascara. And I tried it. Mostly, cause I wanted to see the lil "tubes" wash off like in the commercial.(click the link, watch the video, then you will understand.) And, I have to say that even though I was disappointed cause there were no actual "tubes" the mascara is really rockin. And so yes, it works. [Eat your heart out Cecila.]

No Deal!

Okay, so I watched Deal or No deal last night. Love that show first of all. And, last night we got a break from the norm of annoying contestants and had a real treat in Richie Bell. LOVE love loved him!! Anyhow, I was feeling kinda crabby and all and laying in bed being a crank-ass when the show came on, and for a moment almost changed the channel cause I didnt think that I could muster up the strength to put up with it last night. But then I met Richie and my whole outlook changed. He was the underdog everyone wants to root for, and I wanted him to win SOOOO bad! The only thing is that Richie made me miss my gay friends. I didnt realize I missed them so much, until Richie made me aware of it. And let me tell you ladies, if you dont have a gay man in your life, you best go out and get you one. (But be warned, they are like potato chips, you cant have just one!)

Gay men make the best friends ever, for many reasons, obviously.

For starters, they will honestly tell you which top looks the most smashing with your cute butt jeans...or which is the most trashing.

They know the best artsy~fartsy dives within a 400 mile radius, when they were opened, who ownes them, and everyone the owner has slept with. Trust me. Gay men know EVERYTHING.

They have the balls to tell you if its more than just a bad hair day.

They always have the best putdowns and the right comfort words to say when you bump into the skinny, blonde model bitch that stole your man. ("She is SO wearing last seasons Manolos." GASP.)

Clearly, they give the best gifts. They pay attention to detail and know what you REALLY want to receive. They give things you will actually use. And, will be checking to make sure that you use it! haha

They are the best to pair up with and watch a cheesy classical movie with. [Read: Oklahoma or Gone with the Wind] And wont make fun of you when you are bawling cause Rhett tells Scarlet he dont give a damn, cause they are crying too. And frankly, cause we have all had a Scarlett moment. And they are nothing to laugh about. Duh.

Anyhow, I love my gay friends. Dont get me wrong, I love my straight friends too. Sort of. But seriously, I get so offended at people who judge others based on their life decisions. So what if you think its wrong. (I thinks its wrong that you actually wear a perm in your hair. Ick.) And, its not your choice. And obviously there are far worse things in the world that being homosexual. Like being a republican. (just kidding.) So get off your high horse and quit looking down at others, before it bucks you off right into a pile of horse poo. Which is right where you deserve to be.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to call my best gay friend and tell him to come home. I need a pedi and some highlights, and I cant bear to go thru it alone.

*ah, I almost forgot...Meet Richie. Isnt he wonderful?
http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/video/clips/richie-bell/777881/

~ Toodles. ~

Ode to Abby, and Leno's laughs

OMG. So, you may or may not know, but my first love of my life is Gus. After that, there is another man that holds a special place in my heart. Ross. *sigh*
You know, the famous intern from Jay Leno. Love, Love, Love him. He is the epitome of hilarious. And, lets face it, what all gay men strive to be...boyishly cute, funny, and questionably famous. (but, famous or not, he still gets to gal pal around with Gweneth Paltrow! color me jealous.)

Anyhow, due to the fact that I am slightly infatuated with him, I watch Jay Leno every chance that I can get to catch a glimpse of Ross. (on top of stalking his blog.)

Last night was no exception. Even though there was no Ross sighting, I was however treated to a funny spoof about the election (of course) and I laughed my butt off. Now, I must take this time to thank Jay Leno and the writing team, cause after my bawl-fest of watching Abby's last appearance on ER (cant talk about it still...the wounds are too fresh) I was in need of something comical. I knew Ross was the quick fix i needed to bring me out of my ER induced depression. Even though NBC obviously let me down by not having Ross on the show, they more than made up for it by this election spoof that i aforementioned. It was wonderful. I laughed my butt off. And I am looking for a link to it, so that you can enjoy it as well, cause that is what kind of gal I am....I will go the to limit for you, my dedicated blog readers.

you have to go under the video, and scroll the video timer over to the second time break bar, or in other words, move the timer to 9:09. Its about a 4 min segment, and if you dont find it funny, then to heck with ya!

and, here it is. http://www.nbc.com/The_Tonight_Show_with_Jay_Leno/video/episodes/#vid=769161

Ah, and my blog would not be complete without a tribute to Dr. Lockhart, and the dance that made me a blubbering idiot. Goodbye Abby my friend, County General and I will miss you. * sniffle, sniffle*

Attempt for Peace

Okay, so in case you weren't aware, my birthday is ganna happen soon. And by soon, I mean in like less than a month. So, in case you haven't already began to worry yourself over what fabulous present you will be buying for me, you better get on it. Cause I can tell if your present is a last min. afterthought. And that is just tacky.

And, in case you didn't know, I will be 31. Yes. That's right 31. Blah. Which totally sucks cause now I am no longer ganna be just 30. And we all know that 31 is one year closer to 40. And that just blows. 30 came and went with no glitches, it just kinda came, and was, and then quietly left. And that was the end of that. Except now, 31 isn't being so nice. Its trying to act up. What a bitch 31 is beginning to be, and it hasn't even arrived yet!

So here it is 31, words to live by. And you better take note...or Ill refuse to acknowledge your crabby ass.

Dear 31,

Seriously, must you be so hateful? Your numerical sister, 30, came and went almost a year ago, and was very gracious in doing so. Why must you two be night and day? I know life has probably been very hard on you and all, following in her footsteps, seeing as how she is a monumental birthday, and you are just sequel to the big THREE-O. I know it hasn't ever been fair for you, after all, she gets balloons in her honor, t-shirts, paper cups and plates and all that jazz. I mean, shes even a lil catchy..."Fun and Flirty, just turned 30"...and "Dirty Thirty" Seriously! nothing really rhymes with Thirty-one. 30 is the "big one", (right after the monumental 21), that everyone plans for. No one really goes all out for 31. I can understand what hell it must be like to follow in her shadows all these years, and never really have much recognition for yourself, except maybe a few Hallmark cards. With that being said, even though you have had a rough time, it DOES NOT give you the right to be a revengeful bitch and ruin my day. I refuse to allow you to get me down, make me mad, or hurt my feelings. I propose a truce with you Ms. 31. You agree to no longer be a wretched, dreaded bitch, and I agree to throw you a party that all Annuals aspire to. To the deal I will bring tiaras, tacos, and everything pink. You will provide awesome presents, and hold off on the wrinkles. Its up to you 31, the ball is in your court - the decision is yours!
Love,
Me - Ms. Not quite yet 31